the ultimate love affair: insights on pleasing others first
The challenge is that most of us were never taught how nourish ourselves, much less use it as the foundation for our expansion & transformation.
Instead, "nourishment" is mostly used as a last resort. A rescue remedy from near depletion.
Despite all the incredible bounty there is to enjoy, many women stay locked in famine, deprivation, and self neglect.
Women have never truly been taught how to set the table for a well nourished life. What we desperately need in our "western" culture is the revival of sharing sacred feminine wisdom & ritual, rites of passage for our young, and expanding circles of honoring each other as sisters.
There is much wisdom to share, and still, because each of us are unique, what truly nourishes YOU can only be revealed through a continuous intimate exploration of yourself.
I learned something very powerful from an experience with a lover.
Before his visits, I would prepare a plate of ravishing fruits and exotic chocolates. We would lie together, offering each other succulent bites while connecting through intimate conversation and touch.
I realized how much easier it is to prepare the feast for others, yet how difficult it can be to make "the offering" to ourselves.
~ I remember how many times I created a beautiful healthy spread for my children yet chose to feed myself later, after the tasks were done.
~ I remember when I relied on my partner to know how to pleasure me.
~ I remember when I felt disappointed after dining out because I chose something I 'should' have instead of what I really really wanted.
~ I remember when having a bath resembled a quick splash rather than a long sacred soak.
~ I remember when I valued deep painful processing over enjoying my life AS IT IS.
Excluding yourself from the feast of your life IS the difference between depletion and fullness.
We feed others before ourselves to meet the core desire to be loved. But courting love outside ourselves always leaves a woman feeling ravenous.
It's Soul level hunger we are dealing with.
Feeling dissatisfied & ravenous is a truly divine place to be.
Soul Hunger eventually leads a woman into a powerful awakening.
Depending on the depth of this hunger, it is also a very challenging way to awaken because tempering the hunger can throw you into a binge period of extremes.
Instead of the feast & famine cycle,
What if you became your own beloved, setting the table for your own intimate feast?
What if you dedicated yourself to exploring what truly delights you now, before the hunger explodes into a binge of extremes?
It's a leap of faith to let go of getting yourself filled up from external sources.
Offering yourself everything you need FIRST is counter intuitive, when you have others relying on you and begging for your time and energy.
It can be nearly impossible in the face of heartbreak when you feel broken and all your thoughts & energy are pouring into the other.
So here is the core truth that tips the balance back in your favor.
This is the gentle nudge into a nourishing shift in your focus:
If you know you still don't love yourself (in the way you know you can), acknowledge it with compassion, free of guilt or shame . . . and then make "courting yourself" your sole priority.
From here, everything blooms.
There are countless ways to transform ordinary moments into nourishing offerings but you will need unwavering desire to break free from old habits and routines.
Trust that your core instincts know the best sources of nourishment for you.
I have learned that when I get hungry for anything in life, I must feed myself first.
And when I am well fed, my radiant energy manifests miracles.
Begin by asking yourself:
What would most please the lover inside of me, right now?
As for tonight? You will find me listening to sensual music, dancing by candle light, and feasting on blueberries and peaches.
All by my sacred self.
image: ageless and evergreen