What do I want to conceive?
During my Fertility Phase I had this insane idea. I picked it up from affirmations that suggested my future could outshine my history. I began to wonder if I could create my future without running up against my past?
For so many years, I was focused on my past. I was on a healing journey and I wanted to understand and make sense of it all. And so I referred to my past on everything!
The problem was, that each time I asked "what is my purpose?" I ran up against the same problem.
I was looking to my past as THE GUIDE for what I could create for my future.
So I got this crazy idea that could forget about my past for a while.
Isn't that crazy?
I wanted to conceive something that was the embodiment of WHO I AM AS A WOMAN
So, I totally surrendered to the idea that my Calling was something bigger than the sum total of my history.
Not BIG in size,
But B I G as in expansive....
Could my inspiration could come from something more expansive than my analytical mind trying to hash out my future as though I'm trying to figure out what a university major should be? (disclose: I did not go to university!)
When women ask me about Vision, it is sometimes difficult to describe.
A Vision is something you feel for yourself that extends beyond who you know yourself to be.
A Vision stretches you without making you feel small.
A Vision makes you gasp and feel a little giddy.
A Vision has no competition.
A Vision is the vehicle for your Essence to be shared & expressed.
A Vision requires you to SURRENDER to Who You Are.
These days, I feel my Calling embodies my past, the healing of my pain, all my lessons past & present, my greatest experiences, my knowledge, wisdom and who I am as a woman. Yesterday, today and tomorrow.
There is FREEDOM here....to express and create without defining too tightly.
Ellie Drake said something that really struck me:
"You don't need to SEE to be a Visionary, you just need to TRUST the process, one step at a time."
During my Fertility Phase, I felt emotionally distraught on many occasions because I could not SEE.
I was just beginning to embrace TRUST.
If you do not know your Vision and you are in that "rough stage" where there is almost no clarity,
It's OK to LET IT ALL GO. Let your PAST take a nap for a while!
There is a DESTINY.
You CAN ASK FOR IT at anytime.
Ask for a Vision, even when you cannot SEE, that embodies who you are as a woman and who you aim to Be.
What do you want to create, contribute and express?
How do you want to feel when you grow your Vision?
You will conceive...
Just stay the course and know that this desire, nagging, frustration, worry, possibility, inspiration, dream is part of the Journey.